This actually started on the 23rd of September. It's been quite a week. We have been reminded how precious life is. We've started to settle in our new home and found out that the Primary program was on the 23rd. They practiced the Friday before and I hung out at the church to learn what Cole needed to know. He worked on his part and his classes song on Saturday and Sunday we were ready to go. The children enter the chapel from the hallway and because I'm on the end of the row I recieved a passing kiss, and enjoyed the eldery ladies behind Ohhing, so cute. So, the music starts and just like last year, if he knows the words, you will hear him over everyone else combined. Kind of cute. If he doesn't know the words he waits to hear what the last word is and then joins in and holds it extra long... One song. in particular, ends with Hear Him...Cole sings loudly what sounded to me like "Hear ME!" (I'm laughing silently, but hard enough to cry!) Cole says his part and then stands at the podium, I think expecting to sing his song solo, but finally gets down and joins his class. They sing I Want to be Kind to Everyone, and at the end Cole smiles really big and gives us the thumbs up sign, everyone laughs, Trent is mortified and I'm so proud. So, our second Sunday there, and everyone knows who Cole is.
About six thirty that evening a good friend on mine called me. She was concerned when she saw the news, a four year old little girl had been run over in her driveway and the angle the news camera had of the house showed our old home also. Though there are two little angels by our old home, somehow I knew immediately which one it was, Cole's very best friend, Kyla. As details came out about the event this week, it became worse. The owner on the SUV wasn't in the car at the time, it was off and something happen to pull it out of gear. It rolled silently down the driveway and over this little angel. The owner was a friend of the family who would pick up Kyla for Primary and bring her home afterwards. They were walking to the door when this little girl wanted to show this woman where a snake was run over and killed. The little girl ran back down the driveway and the woman was following. Something popped in the car and it started rolling. The woman couldn't reach her, nor could her eleven year old brother who witnessed the accident. Needless to say this event has been devestating to many in my old neighborhood where people know the woman or the family or both.
Hardest for me was telling Cole about this Sunday night. He cried, of course, and then drifted off to sleep. I was really dreading what the next few days would bring. I visited by friends on Monday and was shown how the knowledge of the plan of salvation is such a help at times like this. This family in very inactive, and I was afraid this would push them further away. They were having such a hard time with this, as can be expected, but the largest hurdle for them was that the church preaches so much about the importance of families and she had been taken from hers. A little note about Kyla: she is their middle child and the loving angel of the family. Always the first to help out, and the first to give love and make sure everyone is taken care of. Last school year I dropped Cole and Kyla off for school. Jill would pick them up, and on most days Kyla would play at our house for an hour or so. It was such a joy to have her in our home. She and Cole were so close, the teachers at their school knew they weren't twins (having different moms and last names) but thought they must be cousins.
Jill is an ubermom and she and her husband are so careful. One of the hardest things for me is that this couldn't have been worse for them. I probably heard a hundred times or so, either Jill or Kyle warning the children about cars, both on the road and their own driveway. They also have a hard time trusting their children to others care. I'm one of the only people Jill trusted Kyla to. I often found myself asking why it would happen this way, and if this would ruin the chances of this family becoming active again.
Now for some of the wonderful miracles that happened this week. At the funeral I had the opportunity to talk to the former Elders Quorum President who has been very diligent in visiting the Lambsons. He has been in their home every night this past week and said that in the last few days, the Lambson-particularly Jill-had been asking many questions and participating in some wonderfully spiritual discussions. I'm hopeful that this tragic accident may be the one and possibly only thing that turns them to the church. I've talking with Jill about the wonderful blessing of eternal families and can only hope that this may help them grow. I can only partially understand what they are going through, although I care very much for this little Angel.
The other wonderful miracle involves Cole. He hasn't cried since Sunday. At first, I was wondering if he remembered. It was late when we talked about it. Wednesday, we talked a little more and I told him we could go say good-bye to Kyla's body. He really wanted to do this, but he didn't cry as I expected him to. Thursday at school there was a page in his journal that said "I wish..." He drew a picture of him and Kyla playing together. He was very proud of his work and showed his teachers and explained to them that he wished he could play with her again, but he wouldn't be able to and that in the evening he would be saying good-bye to her body, it would be the last time he would see her. Again, no tears. We went to the viewing, I didn't expect an open casket, but there it was. Cole went right up to her body, looked over the pictures that had been drawn for her, looked at her body and when I told him it was time to say good-bye, he just smiled at her, and said "Bye". As simple and loving as that. No tears.
For me, who has been bawling every day after picking him up at school and seeing the little girls with their blonde pony-tails, to be so emotional, but for him to be so clear on what has happened and handling this so well, I can only think he is getting extra love and support. I don't know what or how, but I truly believe someone is helping him through this. He's had a Great, Great Grandfather pass this year and occassionaly cries for this man, who he didn't know very well. He hasn't cried for Kyla, his best friend, but fully understands and has told us that only Kyla's spirit is with Jesus. I truly believe the veil is thin for our children and they see and know things we can only dream about. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation that I have and the knowledge that I'll see this little girl again.
So, if anyone actually read all of this (writing it was quite therapudic), I'll share a little of my feelings, I know the church is true. I know I'll live with Jesus and our Father again. I'm exceedingly grateful for the knowledge I have of our Eternal Family. I'm so thankful for Cole and can only trust in the Lord that I'll have more children someday. I am at this time putting my troubles in the Lords hands and I trust that He loves me. I can't understand why I've not been blessed with more children. I will trust that I must devote myself to being the best Mom possible for Cole and be supportive of my siblings and their children, and perhaps in time, I'll be blessed with the opportunity to carry another child of my own. In the meantime, I love and cherish my family, and am reminded that even though at times they may be extremely emberassing, they are precious and they are ours to raise and enjoy. I will endeavor to enjoy life, Trent and Cole more and at the end of the day, I can only hope for another wonderful day.
